Let me relate a recent experience I had today. It involved Kill Bill and well, . . . read on.

So, everyone was all like, "Yeah its good! Just go see it!"
And I was like, "Ok!" Then, I skipped off to see it with a friend of mine, and I was all like, "Lalalalalala!"

Then I started watching it. I felt very superior because the girl next to me kept jumping and squeeking. And I was thinking something along the lines of, "This is just the first 10 minutes, honey. It's going to get much worse. Maybe you should leave." All very condecending and patronizing, of course.

Then it got worse.

I stopped thinking about people around me, until the girl I went with bolted for the door. And I was like, "Maybe she needed to go to the bathroom . . ."

Then it got bad.

The movie theater was dead quiet, and I'm sitting there with my hands over my mouth to cover up the fact I can't keep my mouth closed. It kept dropping open in shock or forming a silent scream.

Anyway, I had my hands over my mouth. Then I had my hands over my eyes. Then I closed my eyes and started whimmpering. Then I couldn't move *sniff* because I was frozen with shock.

Then I ran.

I lasted like 35 minutes. So, I wandered aimlessly around the theater, lost and frightened and somewhere between tears of mirth and tears of horror, calling out my friend's name in a hopless sort of way.

Then I found her sitting in the lobby, staring off into space with an empty look on her face. And she was like, "Do you want to go back?" And I was all like, "FUCK, NO!" My hands wouldn't stop shaking.

And we staggered off to her car, squeeking and jumping at little noises and generally being really paranoid and psycotic.

You have been warned.